Dance It Out.... Just Not With Me

Wednesday night I unsuccessfully tried to attend an electronica concert with my brother and a friend. We stood in line for over an hour and moved about 15 feet in the line that looped around the block. We bagged it and opted for a reggae concert at a small venue. I use the term "concert" loosely. There were three people on stage at all times, but no one was singing. There was just the occasional “yeah”, “well”, and “come on” babbled into the microphone in between long stretches of swaying. We lasted twenty minutes. The night ended where none of us would have expected, but I considered it to be a success for I did not have to fend off any random, unknown male dance partners.

I usually have to prepare myself for nights like this one because I hate going out, ready to get my dance on, only to find myself bombarded by males jumping behind me and trying to join. Let me make something clear: I like to dance solo. I like the freedom of being able to circle up my friends, pretend there is a spotlight on us and show off our unique moves. I like to be able to stop dancing and rap/sing (usually rap) along, this usually comes hand in hand with a stationary lower body and swinging arms. And sometimes my hips want to linger on a looming beat without warning. Why should I sacrifice these activities because my self-declared new dance companion has a different plan?

I don’t like having to telepathically communicate a synchronized dance without knowing anything about this other person. What is their background? Are they a serious or funny dancer? How would they react to me switching from dipping on the 2 beat to dipping on the 3 beat? A random dance partner is too smothering, too stressful. I end up resenting the person for not allowing me to be the dancer I truly want to be.

Why do guys even think sneaking up behind a girl and dancing with them in a dark, loud bar is acceptable? I mean, I get it; these guys want to get your attention, maybe offer to buy you a drink when the song subsides. But what about having dance involved makes that sudden presence of a man behind you NOT creepy? If a stranger danced against you at the laundry mat you would call the cops. If a random man held you by the waist and guided your hips side to side while you waited for your Starbucks you would slap him in the face. And if an unfamiliar man tried to sway with you at the gym you would be grossly offended.

I personally do not find the sudden approach any less disturbing and weird when music is playing. Want to get my attention? Easy. If at a club I would like to see some funny solo dance, one that will allow me to admire your courage and creativity. If at a laundry mat, Starbucks or gym it’s even easier. Offer to pay for my laundry, pay for my coffee or pay for my gym membership. See? EASY.

My Love Letter to CU

It has been one year since I graduated from the finest undergraduate institution in America: The University of Colorado—GO BUFFS!!! It is near impossible and very frightening to believe that I have been a college graduate for an entire year. I like to think that everything froze in Boulder, CO when I finished my degree and moved away to find a job where a college degree is not necessary. Which made it difficult to believe that anyone younger than me at school had work, or tests, or parties, or FUN in my absence. But alas, it’s not true. Another class has graduated and left the place that has been called such things as “ The Happiest Place in America” (CBS), “The closest a college town is to Heaven” (Sports Illustrated) and “The shit” (Me).

The realization that this year has passed so quickly terrifies me for two reasons. My first fear is that each year of my life will pass by just as quickly and as ruthlessly as 2010 did. Before I will know it I will be asking my fellow retirement home residents to hit this “Take It, Bitch” beer bong, made my Junior year of college:




My second fear is that with each passing year hundreds of college graduates begin their job search, thus making it more dfficult for me to find a full time job. I know what these Colorado graduates bring to the table: every desirable quality.

A likeable attitude? Check. After four years surrounded by clean air at the base of the Flatirons, a CU graduate can’t help but be enjoyable to be around.
Dedication? Check. We Buffs have suffered through several horrible football years, but still support our team and fill the stands. And we aren’t even allowed to drink in the stadium.
Confidence? Check. Every CU graduate knows they went to the best school ever and will not allow anyone to tell them differently.

Combine these qualities and you have the perfect employee. Or politician. Or boxer. So to all my Colorado graduates I say, congratulations!... And don’t even think about writing for a sitcom. Unless of course you get a job writing for a sitcom before I do and to that I say, help a fellow Buff out!!