I have this problem where I over think hypothetical situations to a detailed and ridiculous extent. I spend so much time playing out a second ending to a given situation that by the time I have mentally worked out the perfect solution, the possibility of the encounter has already passed.
For example, a few days ago, as I was leaving my nannying job I jogged lightly down the concrete porch steps to my car. My foot slipped a little bit but I caught my balance before I fell down completely. Instead of accepting my survival, I played out what would have happened had I not caught myself and, instead, had fallen down the flight of stairs and broken my ankle.
I imagined myself stranded on the driveway unable to walk; what would I do? I don’t have the dad’s cell phone number so I couldn’t call him to help me. I decided I would have to call the mom at work and calmly ask her between choked breaths to please tell her husband to open the front door. But what if the mom didn’t answer? While I debated between dragging myself to the garbage cans alongside the house and hitting them against the wall to attract the attention of the dad inside, I decided that was much too noisy and would wake the sleeping infant I had just put down for a nap. Of course the dad would be mad at me for waking the boy and he would prioritize getting his son back to sleep over getting me to a hospital.
No, that wouldn’t work. I would have to call my brother. But he lives far away so what would I do to pass the time while I waited, unable to move, on the front stoop of my employer’s house? I decided I was lucky that I have internet on my phone and would be able to surf the web, potentially google “broken ankle” while I waited for him. Then, because my alternative endings love to complicate things, the dad would come outside and see me sprawled on the driveway, my mangled ankle drooping to my side as I wait for my ride. And, of course, because I don’t want my pain and clumsiness to be the focus of the conversation I would casually explain myself, “I was going to call and ask you to save me from this agony but I didn’t have your number, so my brother is on the way. Yeah, he doesn’t have a car so he’s taking the bus from Venice. So, yeah, he’ll be here in about 4 hours.”
My desire to not talk about my problems first and foremost is actually the most realistic aspect of this hypothetical situation I’ve created. I always make small talk before announcing my true intentions, news or dilemma. If I call my mom mid-mental breakdown, despite being on the verge of tears, we always have the same opening: “hi, Anna” “Hi, mom” “How are you?” “I’m fine, how are you?” “I’m good, what’s up?” “I’m having a mental breakdown!!!!” Sure the outburst came out of nowhere, but at least I eased her into the reality of the call.
And before I know it I park my car and I'm at my apartment complex, I have just spend 45 minutes reaching a suitable conclusion for a near death experience I did not have. Phew, that was a close one.
Now, along the lines of weird hypothetical situations being played out in my mind. It’s not that I never thought this day would come, but I never thought this day would come so quickly…. I have lived in LA for ONE FULL YEAR. A lot has happened in a year, a lot of really, really boring stuff and some fun, interesting stuff. If you would like to know more about my accomplishments you can google me, or search me on IMDB. Or for much more accurate results you can read my past blog posts.
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