Learn To Road Rage!

I have been fairly frank about how I feel about the drivers in LA, but in case I’ve been too subtle, let me make myself clear; they’re terrible. I can count on one hand how many drivers I’ve seen make a right hand turn from the left lane LAST NIGHT. It is strange, though; since I’ve lived here I’ve seen very few car accidents. Please, please do not use that information as a basis for an argument that that means California drivers are good. It actually makes their dangerous and sporadic maneuvers more disturbing because that means all other drivers are adapting to their environment, this awful, free-for-all driving environment.

Where have all the courteous drivers gone? Are they crossing over, never to return again? Like when a vampire bites a human and changes them into a vampire forever; there is no turning back when you cross over into the California drivers category. But I’m going to fight that change! I will never become a California driver. I even have proof. I have been living in LA for over a year and have driving here for what seems like, and most likely equates to, longer than a year and just a few days ago was happily reminded that I still got it! (‘it’ being proper driving etiquette.)

I was driving in the left lane, like a normal person, when a woman trying to turn onto the street from a sidestreet on my right, honked. I looked around, confused. I was in the left lane, the right lane (the lane one is supposed to turn onto from a side street) was wide open so I wasn’t blocking her from making her turn, it wasn’t an intersection so I didn’t blown through a stop sign or stop light, I wasn’t speeding, and I wasn’t talking on the phone. I ran through all the possible scenarios that would warrant a honk, and confirmed that wasn’t doing anything wrong so surely that honk wasn’t for me.

But as I was easing to a stop at the upcoming stop light, the woman who honked rolled past me, yelled “fucking white lady” at me through our open windows and then cut me off. I was shocked. Only in California would someone not even know how to properly verbally assault someone on the road.

I cannot and will not claim to be a road rage expert, but aren’t you usually supposed to insult the driver you have beef with? Yell something that is sure to get under their skin, really put them down and shame them into making better driving choices? Was I supposed to be offended by being called a “fucking white lady?” It would have made sense if she yelled “dumbass” or “bitch” because no one wants to be called something they're not, especially in a derogatory tone. When did road rage insults turn into declaring observations? If road rage is now based on obvious physical characteristics I would have yelled back, “fucking highlighted hair!” But I didn’t because I made no driving mistake to defend!

If driving like a “fucking white lady” means driving well and within the law, then yes, I AM a fucking white lady! Well, and I’m a fucking white lady regardless.