I have realized lately that I dislike when people look to me for approval. I mean sure it’s flattering, but it really puts me on the spot. I should probably clarify what I mean by “approval.” It’s not like hundreds of people are lined up, presenting something to me in hopes that it receives my blessing. I’m mostly talking about a few encounters I’ve had recently in which others look at me to see if I am laughing as hard as they are at something we are watching. I’m a silent laugher and I’m kind of self conscious about it. I worry it does not give the proper positive reinforcement that my entertainer deserves.
This paranoia is only made worse when people look over at me to see how hard I’m laughing. Do they think I’m not showing my gratitude? I end up making myself laugh aloud, which sounds clearly forced. Then I just feel fake and like I’ve cheated my entertainer. But why, if my spectator is really enjoying this funny stuff so much, does he/she keep looking at me? Just look ahead and let’s regroup when it’s over. I’m not going to make a sound, no tears will be run down my face, I won’t slap my knee. What are they expecting?
I’m sure it’s not actually an approval thing. I don’t think people are looking to me for permission to laugh, it’s probably a camaraderie thing. Like, hey, we’re in this together. It’s just weird when the woman sitting next to you in the movie theater looks up at you expectantly at each funny part. It’s especially weird because she brought in what smells like day old McDonald’s french fries. If you are going to insist that we share a bonding laugh, then at least have the common courtesy to share your fries.
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