Up Close and Personal Way Too Soon

I spent this past weekend in Anacortes, WA (which I successfully turned into a week-long vacation thanks to my lack of job or any real responsibilities here in LA) for a family reunion. With this family reunion came lots of hugs. Which I do love. When I am expecting them and/or welcoming them. I’ve noticed for sometime now that I do not handle hugs well when I’m caught off guard. I think hugging people after a first meeting is awkward, which both parties MIGHT recognize, but if not, I do a pretty good job of making sure they do. I have, on two occasions here in LA, been caught so off guard for a hug that I have said “oh we’re doing this now” in reaction to my new friend’s outstretched arms and subtle lean forward. The only time a hug should come before a handshake between strangers is on The Oprah Show or at the dentist’s office (Oprah can do absolutely anything she wants and your dentist will be handshaking each of your teeth fairly soon after your meeting so no need to oversell it). OR if you call me Anna upon seeing my name, a hug—probably a bear hug—is in your future.
I do painfully enjoy watching others go in for hugs when it’s unclear if both parties are on the same page with the embrace. The small steps forward to see if the action is reciprocated. This small, subtle move to make way towards hugging range is an important first step in giving your subject fair warning to think of something better to say than “oh we’re doing this now”. It’s really important to make sure you don’t make a grand gesture with your arms too soon because then you’ve given your intention away. Had your subject not been mirroring your moves towards hugging, you have just forced them into it. The worst part being you both know you don’t want to be there. I find this uncomfortable realization is best softened by saying something along the lines of “come here, get in here for the real thing”. Even though neither of you really wanted to get in there for the real thing. I definitely can’t hide how awkward hugs are when they are not necessary. I’m sure people don’t have as big of a problem with these hugs as I do but to those people I say let’s build a relationship before we go too crazy.

To my family who is convinced I’m going to talk about them after our weekend together- this is not directed towards you. Please keep hugging me, you’re the only ones I can count on to do it right.