It's A Dangerous Job But Somebody's Gotta Do It

Trying to get started in the entertainment industry is stressful. Because this industry is all about connections I’m terrified to mess up and ruin a contact. I have a deep-rooted fear that one screw up and I’m done with Hollywood. Or rather, Hollywood is done with me. So because I am terrified to make one mistake, I begin second guessing everything I come across. I recently went to pick up lunch for my boss and managed to add levels of stress to the build-your-own salad bar that should be reserved for bomb detonations.

He asked for “mixed greens” and “romaine” and I confidently recognized romaine lettuce and put it in the box. But when I came across lettuce labeled “spring mix” but no “mixed greens” label in sight, I panicked. I asked myself if “spring mix” and “mixed greens” were the same. Of course they are. I reached towards the tongs, but pulled back. Are they? I decided to make the rest of the salad and let the lettuce situation simmer in my mind for a few minutes. I soon came across the same issue with blue cheese and then again with hearts of palm. On any other day, in any other environment, I would be able to identify blue cheese and hearts of palm without a problem. But all of a sudden with the pressure and stress of my future bearing down on me, my mind decides to kick my ass.

I took a few deep breaths and went with my gut feeling. I put the blue cheese, hearts of palm and spring mix on top of the 1 ladle of ranch dressing specified by my boss. I closed the salad self-assuredly to go back to the office and stand in front of my boss in tortured silence to see if the salad is approved. When he didn’t see the salad dressing hidden under the ingredients that ruined my life for 45 minutes, I assured him it was there. But strained my memory to make sure I had, indeed, put the dressing on and wasn’t hallucinating during my stress-induced panic at the grocery store.

This does not just happen with salads, but since moving to Los Angeles, I do tend to over-think to the extreme during basic human activities. Such as: getting gas, putting a stamp on an envelope, and opening a gate. The most ridiculous part about my internal freak-outs is that there has never been a repercussion or sign of a repercussion that would lead me to act this way. My boss has been nothing but nice to me yet I find myself taking each task as if it could end the world. But on the other hand, maybe it is because I treat every task as if it could end the world that my boss has never yelled at me. Or maybe he has yelled at me and I have blocked it out as another way of dealing with my stress-induced panic. I guess we’ll never know……