Traveling with Karma

There are few things about traveling that surprise me these days. Yes, our security procedures make the job of a TSA guard appealing to sexual assault convicts on parole, and yes, it’s ridiculous that Frontier only serves cookies on flights departing after 10am, but we should really focus on the ridiculous things our fellow travelers do.

Like, wear pajama pants and slippers to the airport. I suppose taking your shoes off at security would be easier in slippers that barely hang onto your feet by broken down terrycloth fabric. I suppose the “just out of bed” look clears you as a terrorist. If you can’t even plan an outfit there is no way you could plan an attack. TSA takes one look at you and waves you through. Yeah, they’re good. No need to check their bags even. Probably just more pajamas. But in my recent trip back from Colorado I was shocked and appalled by two actions of the man sitting next to me on the plane.

He cracked open his Panda Express orange chicken meal combo, the very smell of which gives me heartburn, before we even took off. I knew I was in for a smelly ride, not only are airplanes not known for their stellar ventilation (that orange chicken would be lingering around row 10 for hours), but Panda Express is known for inner grumblings immediately following consumption. Once we were air born, I was pleasantly surprised to notice that the Panda Express smell dissipated easily. This pleasant surprise was quickly replaced by outrage when he reached down and took off his shoes.

I cursed myself for singing my silent praises (in perfect key, I might add) far too early. Yes, the food smell disappeared inside of him, but he didn’t make any moves towards eating his feet. This stench was in it for the long haul. There are few things worse than flying next to the smell of stale sweat, and those things are: flying next to the bathroom and flying at all.

Current travel conditions put you in claustrophobically close quarters with your peers, peers that could be put on the jury of your murder trial. You should leave a distinctly forgettable impression. That means get your act together when it comes to the metal detector at security. Yes, that novelty belt buckle is made of metal. And it’s hideous. Adhere to the size regulations of carry on bags. If your huge bag has to be rearranged several different times in several different overhead bins before you finally surrender to a gate check, you are not being distinctly forgettable. In fact, I will remember your face forever. It’s important to pleasantly blend in. You don’t want to encounter a bitter former travel acquaintance when it comes down to your verdict. “I dunno, fellow jurors, all the evidence points to innocent, but he did take his shoes off… on a plane…”



So I am back in LA after a much-needed break from my stressful Hollywood lifestyle. The largest change in my daily California life and my daily vacation life being the move from watching hours of online TV on my computer, to watching hours of cable on a real TV. Either way it is hard to argue that my life is easy in either situation.

Some news here, we officially did not get the Disney Writer’s Fellowship that we applied to in July. A bummer, but in the time between applying and the rejection I had heard several rumors about the selection process and saw it coming. The short film we shot in November is still struggling with conflict issues and it is unclear when we will finish that project. In much more exciting news, I am starting my second round of improv classes on Saturday, and have a long list of advice I was given to follow up on. This will no doubt lead to many new adventures and (obviously) many new blog posts. If you thought I had experienced every awkward and ridiculous situation possible for one person, I can assure you that 2011 holds many, many more. Mostly because it is I who makes all of these situations awkward.