Home Sweet Home

I think a lot of the people that work for and/or live in my apartment complex are constantly confused. Today I woke up to find my neighbor’s garbage disposal had backed up and spaghetti was floating around in one-inch high water in my sink. I didn’t have time to deal with this right away. As you all know, I’m a very important nanny and I had to get to work. I called the maintenance man of my apartment complex while we were at the park, he sounded flustered like I was a woman he was having an affair with and his wife was in the room. “Call the front office!” he blurted out. I imagined his eyes jotting back and forth, using his free had to cover his mouth and hide the receiver, “they will make a work order for me.” He is obviously doing repairs for another complex on the side.

When I got home from work, my apartment door was closed but unlocked. While my TV was still there, everything from under my sink has out and askew. Someone had broken in! After a few minor heart attacks, and logical thinking that because the only sign of a break in was under my sink and no one would steal Swiffer sweepers, I was safe. The maintenance man walked in behind me, apologized for scaring the bejesus outta me, and returned to fixing the garbage disposal. I asked what seemed to be the problem and he answered, “so much food in the pipes.” I KNEW it wasn't my fault. From day one I never trusted the garbage disposal, I’ve never put food down my sink. It was my neighbors! Plus it was fettuccine and I eat angel hair.

I stood at my door as the maintenance man passed by with a disgusted look on his face, so disappointed, so offended by the mess. He stopped and dumped a bucket of the old spaghetti found in my drain on the lawn/sidewalk right outside of my apartment. A path frequented by everyone in the complex. I was shocked. How was he so grossed out by my sink (a sight that lead him to use a face more commonly reserved for those picking up dead animals), but found the route of choice for many tenants to be a suitable place to dispose of it? Was he teaching me a lesson for something I didn't do? Was he mad I called his private line earlier?

As they finished their work, my neighbor walked by. He nodded to my open door and the maintenance man splashing food on the sidewalk and said, “they’re working on my sink, too.” Like it was a coincidence. “Weird!” I laughed out in response, dripping with half you’re a dumbass, half you ruined fettuccine for me undertones and walked to my car- I had to get away from this ass-backward situation that I call home.