Getting Paid's The Only Thing On My Resume. Oh Wait, No, No It's Not....

I have gone on two job interviews during my time in LA, even though I apply to about two jobs every 15 minutes. Talk about an impressive ratio. So I’m clearly not a well-versed veteran in this area, but I’m pretty sure the experiences I have had are not normal. At least I hope they aren’t.

My first interview was earlier in this summer for a company that sneakily advertised themselves as a marketing firm when, in actuality, they are just a door-to-door sales organization. If I didn’t know from the get go that I wasn’t going to take this job (I can’t be pushy, and when they say do anything to make a sale, I take that as smile enough to cover my fear and discomfort with the situation and say something along the lines of ‘so, do ya wanna… it would help yer business… buy this thing… or ya know, don’t. If you’re busy or find it to be unnecessary…’ Real solid pitch.) I knew I wouldn’t be taking this job after spending 5 minutes in the waiting area. I was reminded twice to wear business professional attire to my interview because that was the standard at that office. Knowing this I expected the office environment to mirror that attitude. I’ll tell you what I did not expect: WWE fighting on a big screen TV, and the 1998 R&B hit single “Too Close” blaring from the radio. If you aren’t familiar with the song “Too Close” it is anything but business professional. In fact, it’s borderline pornographic. I certainly was not expecting to have the receptionist ask what my plan was for the fourth of July and continuously insinuate that I would be drinking large amounts of alcohol. Had this not been a business professional setting, or rather, had I not been wearing my business professional attire, I probably would have grilled her about potential hot spots for the fourth of July activities. But I was far too preoccupied trying to block out the lyrics of “Too Close” to wrap my mind around my entire situation. I also knew my future with this company was bleak when the highlights of my actual interview were discussing the Denver Broncos and my premature, and unprovoked confession that I had zero sales experience. But I was okay with it. I couldn’t work in a setting that required business professional attire yet constantly teased me with hit 90’s hip hop jams. Everyone knows it’s impossible to bust a decent move in heels.

My next interview came just this past week. I use the term “interview” loosely because this was much more like speed dating for a job. Each person had a timed 1-minute opportunity to pitch oneself to a human resources representative from various TV networks. Again I had certain assumptions about this interview. I thought I would be ushered into a room, sit down across from the representative, talk for a minute and be ushered out to my next company. I did not expect all the tables lined up in one large room. I did not expect that I would be directed in numerical order, single file towards the tables, like cattle to their trough. I did not expect that there would be no chair for me to sit in across from my representative (Who would have thought it would be so intimidating towering over your interviewer while they are comfortable seated?) I definitely did not expect that I would be pitching myself to someone eating a bagel and schmear. I’m beginning to wonder if California is confused about the meaning of the word “professional”, it’s like that Katy Perry song “California Gurls” (where the confusion on that one is obvious). Hopefully I’ll have more interviews and can tell you if these other two were just flukes. So at the rate I’m going I’ll have two more interviews to discuss by Thanksgiving!